Mental health problems

You often want to be there for others, but you just don't know what you can do. Yet there are many things you can do.

You may sometimes think:

• 'What if he really has problems? I don't know how to help.'
• "If she wants to talk about it, she will."
• "What if he gets scared and doesn't want to talk to me anymore?"
• "What if I'm wrong and there's nothing wrong at all?"
• "Am I not making it worse by asking?"
• "I don't have time to talk about it right now."

Yet there are many things you can do. You can listen, provide social support and do fun activities together. Also be alert to signs that someone is not doing well and, if necessary, refer you to professional assistance in a timely manner.

Start a conversation

How do you talk to someone who is having a hard time? Don't look too far, but start from signals you have noticed and try to be a listening ear:

• "You say you haven't been sleeping well lately, what does that do to you?"
• "I notice that you have been restless more often lately, is there something that is bothering you?"
• "I notice that you have little energy lately, do you feel like this is limiting what you want to do?"

Three basic postures

• Empathy
  Empathize with the other person's situation, without introducing your own feelings and experiences.
• Authenticity
  Be yourself and be genuine in your reactions and feelings.
• Don't judge
  Show understanding.

Tips

• Make sure the conversation is open- ended. Listen with understanding and acknowledge what you hear.
• Give time and space to the story and try to empathize with the situation of the person who is having a difficult time.
• Show that you hear what is being said by actively listening and regularly checking whether you have understood correctly. Do this by repeating what was said: literally, in your own words or by summarizing.
• Help to flesh out the story .
  • "You say you don't like it anymore, what don't you like anymore?"
  • "I hear you've been having a hard time lately, has it been that way for a long time?"
  • "It's like you feel like you're stuck, you can't see a way out."
  • "How does that make you feel?"
• Don't minimize what is being said.
• Be careful not to instill guilt or judge feelings, thoughts, or behavior.
• Don't immediately come up with simple, ready-made solutions. After all, what works for you or others around you does not necessarily suit the person standing in front of you. Moreover, that is not what he needs at the moment.
• Look together at what help is needed and how you can help.
• Don't give false hope. You won't be able to solve everything. Sometimes more help is needed or you are forced to inform others about the things that were said. It is important that you keep in touch after this first conversation.
• Show that you want to be there and that the person involved can always come to you, but also regularly ask yourself how things are going. You can offer a listening ear and provide social support, but you are not a professional care provider. So do not give advice or provide medical solutions yourself, but refer in a timely manner.

Seek support

Being a listening ear for someone who is having psychological difficulties can save lives. But if it is someone close to you, it can sometimes become difficult for you too . Also keep your finger on the pulse for yourself.

If you have any questions or if it sometimes becomes too much, you can visit the Mental Health Family Platform . You will find a lot of information there and an overview of peer groups.

Get professional help

Listening to someone with psychological complaints is usually not enough to tackle problems. If you notice that the problems do not decrease or even increase, you would do well to seek professional help .